Happy new year folks. It's the second day into the New Year, and I'm already feeling restless.
Undoubtly, with each passing year, there is bound to be a review of the past year. While not exactly bad, 2012 has not exactly been spectacular either.
As an average girl just living my everyday life, I mean what can I expect yes? I mean, it's not that I want to be out there partying hard (I'm getting a lil too ol' for that), risking myself in daring adventures (innate wimp that I am) or scaring everyone by doing something total batshit (I'm too self-conscious to do anything not perceived as being me). But hey, I must admit that as a twenty-something year old, I feel scared and at loss with each year that pass. Towards the environment, the people surrounding me, and myself (primarily). Like I'm just living because I'm living. There is no specific goal nor purpose that I am living for.
Anyone my age would likely no doubt be familiar with what I say next. It's the point of your life where your friends are segregated in to two groups - mainly, the "Attached" or the "Singles". It's the former group that scares me.
It's the part where at gatherings, all conversations seem to evolve around 1. housing, 2. engagements or weddings, 3. housing, 4. common friends that are engaged/married or having a baby and oh, have I already mentioned housing? I mean. It's awkward when you don't have enough material to participate in the conversation. Nor have the least inkling on what the hell is going on. Talk about a.w.k.w.a.r.d.
And also, not to say it's their fault, but the "Attached" always make me sit and reflect on whether there is anything wrong with myself. Perhaps it's the way I perceive them through rose-tinted lens - that they are living on their own bubble of happiness, that they are following through with what life expects of them. School, Work, Marriage, Kids (in the future). And what say me? I am, should I say, stuck in a rut. I mean, I know without people telling me, that I should be out there socialising and all, but it's just...difficult. It's easy to say to someone (and trust me, I've heard it aplenty) - "You should be out there socialising, getting to know more people, YOU can do something about it". But, it's just the way things are. As we grow older, our circle of friends just become smaller and smaller, and the whole getting to know new people cycle is just less easy as compared to when you were younger. Or is it just me?
Furthermore, I kinda admit that I have a lackadisical view towards everything around me in general. I can't decide whether it's more of having an uninterested view on life in general, or if I procrastinate too much about things. Hard to put into words.
For five days a week, my life is a routine: I wake up. I head to work. I knock off work. a) I head home. b) I meet my friends. I head home. I sleep. Repeat. I'm not sure exactly if this is what I want. (Don't we all). This whole, 9am-5pm (or rather more accurately, 8am-5.30pm) lifestyle is what I am satisfied with. It's not a bad job per se, but neither is it one that I am excited heading to the office for.
I know that life is all about making your own paths, grabbing onto opportunities and weaving your paths. Now that I am all weary at the ripe ol' (!) age of twenty five, I guess it is now or never to go forth to do things that I have always secretly hoped to do or want to do. I mean, life is short isn't it. Yes, it may be the start of a new year, but who knows when it might be the end? And I know that with each passing year, my chances of doing what I want to do might be, sad to say, a decreasing exponential curve. Okay, backtrack from the morbid thoughts over here.
But yeah, let's give a toast to a new year, new goals, new ambitions. I'll start small - pick up a new hobby that I've always wanted to do (Where shall I start? Piano? Tennis? Er, socialise?), take risks and do something outta the blue (Will I finally get to go on a solo vacation anytime soon? Or plan something totally NOT me - like bungee jump or skydive?), start something (Anything actually. Just a small step towards my passion is good enough.). Whatever it may be, let's look forward to the new year. Twelve months. 365 days. We'll see what it throws me.